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If there’s one thing that I learned after moving out from my parent’s house, it’s that life isn’t always easy. It isn’t always what I expected it would be. A lot has changed since I moved out. A lot about who I am, what my relationships are and with who they are, my beliefs, my standards, my taste in music, my taste in the culinary area of life, almost everything about me, has changed in some degree or another. And I guess that makes sense. It’s to be expected, seeing as how moving out is a pretty large step in the modern world. 

However, in all of this, there’s one thing I never expected to learn. Maybe this is just me. The way I was raised, the things I believe, maybe all of that has something to do with this. But something I have recently learned (or, more than likely, relearned),  is that, for me, it’s easy to be sad.

I understand how that must sound. Actually, I don’t. But I do understand how weird of a thought that is. Let me explain. Typically, my morale over the years always dips in the winter. I’m certainly not saying I suffer from depression. I am, however, saying that, for whatever reason, I don’t feel as happy in the winter. Around January and February, that time of year here when the sun doesn’t always shine and the wind brings more snow than change, I always feel as though my life could be better. I get restless, bored with anything and everything. I get the urge to get up and drive, just to do something. I get the urge to spend money, most of which I shouldn’t, on people and lunches and food and video games and music and other things. Like bonsai trees. I’ve never been able to figure out why this happens, this seasonal depression. I have heard that it’s not unusual, so I can’t be too concerned.

More importantly, this January, I focused my usual boredom on figuring more out about myself. And I focused on being sad, and why it happens to me. That’s when I learned that, for me, being sad is easy. I began to use it as a crutch to not talk, to be less friendly at my job, in my relationship, online in the lobby in a video game. I wasn’t aggressive; but I wasn’t being somebody I want to be. This crutch started to become a routine. At least, that’s what it felt like. 

Maybe it’s just me. I understand the seriousness of depression and sadness. I understand the cloud that happiness seems to be. But for me, my personality, being sad is easy. It’s the easy thing to do. It takes work to be happy. Work that I am more than happy to put in the effort for (irony or pun?), but work nonetheless. 

Overall, it wasn’t until today that I realized that being happy isn’t a difficult achievement around the right people or in the right environment. For instance, my girlfriend makes me happy. She makes life so much easier to bear.

Thinking along those lines, I started to ponder how God sets up life. (For those of you who don’t believe in God, or who don’t believe in things happening for a reason, I respect that. Please don’t take this as me shoving my beliefs down your throat.) With my life specifically, I began to wonder about all the steps it took me to get to where I am today, with who I am.

I’ve dated a few girls in my life. I can’t say that any of the past relationships ended the way that I wanted them to, if at all, but I realize now that I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. One girl taught me that, no matter how long you date or what the people around you expect of your relationship, sometimes it’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to fight for yourself sometimes, even if it makes a lot of people upset. Another girl taught me that it isn’t always okay to sacrifice your own happiness for anyone else’s, even if that means making stupid mistakes. Another girl taught me that, being the best isn’t always the best….for me. And another taught me to use the head on my shoulders when it comes to any aspect of life, not the other one. All of the relationships I’ve been in have taught me so much about life; mostly, all of the relationships I’ve been in have taught me how to be happy.

And now, with my current girlfriend, everything is excellent. And I have her to thank for that. Because sometimes, I need a reminder pertaining to happiness. And she does an excellent job of it. 

 

Thanks for reading.

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