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At the beginning of this class, I wasn’t afraid of the person I was. I wasn’t afraid of my personality, my thoughts, my voice. Reverent and respectful , yes, but not afraid. Fear was something I felt only occasionally. Not because I’m courageous beyond all get out, but because I would ignore the feeling entirely. Fear didn’t exist in my mind. I couldn’t let it. I had seen too many people who would run their lives off the fear they feel for something. I didn’t want to live my life that way. No, I wanted my life to be something worth fighting for, something that left people wanting more. I came up with my life philosophy, my motto, per say, somewhere in my middle school years; I was between 10 and 13 at the time. At this stage in my life, I knew I was headed towards a medical field of some sort. Fresh in my mind were the memories of elementary school, shortened by a year. And in the forefront, my goals plastered to the windshield of the car I drove into the future, sat pharmacy; I wanted to be a pharmacist. It was after I concluded my career choice that I had to look deep within myself to find why I had picked pharmacy. And it was from there I figured out my daily calling in life: to leave people better off than when I met them. I wanted to make people smile and laugh, and, most importantly, I wanted to make sure people wouldn’t forget me. A heavy burden for my age, looking back. But I needed it.

And I’ve lived it. I’ve done nearly everything within my power to live my private little motto. And this English class wasn’t going to be any different. I planned on making friends (of the sort, however, I never would’ve guessed) and making people laugh (I would say I’m successful), just as I had always done. However, my attention was outward. My focus was on those around me. I had forgotten about myself when I entered this class. I was very aware of my goals, coming into college at the age of 17, but I wasn’t focused on affecting me. Affecting others came easy, but changing who I am is a difficult process. I’m very stubborn. And I was very closed minded. Looking back, I’m very appalled to see where I started and where I have ended.

The very first piece the class read was a piece by John Berger. [Help!!!]



[Okay, so this is my intro. However, I’m a little confused about where to go from here. How do I use quotes from the pieces (Berger, Borde, etc.)? What do I do next? How should the format of the rest of this narrative look? Is this where paragraphs from my past essays should come? Please help!]



  1. Yes! Your intro is so great! So much more interesting than mine. Okay so out of all the people to be commenting on your essay I’m probably the last you would want because I am not as good at writing as others. But I’m going to try out this advise-giving thing. For your next part, you can take parts from your first essay that talk about Berger’s idea of how the things around you (experiences and what not) shape how you see things. That idea seems to tie in with your introduction. You can talk about how certain things around you made you who you are and are the reason you started off close-minded. Maybe? Then make a transition about how after this essay you changed. Then in Bordo’s try to do the same idea and find something she stressed and that you wrote about that applies to you and your transformation as a student.
    Sorry if that’s no help, but I gave it a shot. Good luck on this last essay!

  2. Dang it. I’m sorry to see such a promising beginning and have it end at Berger. I would really like to read the final paper. My suggestions: Read Max’s paper to get an idea of where to go from here. You could also look at my paper to see how I worked out an outline.

  3. You did a very good job on this introduction rough draft! It pulled me in and made me want to read more. I do think that since you said that they have changed you say from each essay why? Start off from john Berger by saying what his essay was about and then how is says about the way people ‘see things’. That is what i would start off by doing. Then after that transition into the other essays and basically do the same thing and in the end bring in the big idea of all of them. Good job on starting it off. I may not be the best writer in this class but i think that this would help you start off very well.

  4. I really like your introduction to this essay! Refine your transitions and maybe change up the structure of each of the essays your incorporating to give it better flow. I also think you need to explain a bit more about how you were before and after each essay we wrote throughout the semester, then in your conclusion tie it all together nicely like a christmas present! 😀 I am excited to read the final of this work! Great start!

  5. i think this was a great introduction, very interesting. i think there are many options of where to go from here that have been laid out for you in earlier comments. but one way to go about it is to just transition to the berger paper and in the conclusion of that paper explain how it impacted an changed you (if it did) and continue on like that for each essay. Finally at the end you could conclude by explaining how the class as a whole has impacted you.

  6. My opinions of your start are pretty much the exact same as when I went through your essay in class. Great introduction.. lots left to do. Hope my suggestions helped!

  7. Also, you have the most coments of any of them i have read so far, I strongly believe that it is because yours is so short and easy to read. It is much appreciated (:

  8. I was reading your what turned out to be the intro and I was awed. I was captivated and you had my full attention, then you stopped… that sucked. Your intro is super interesting but I definitely want to see where your going with this. I will definitely read your final reflective essay. You have a promising future

  9. This intoduction is very good. Dramatic, but good. I think that if you bring the essays and authors into how they have helped you figure out how to reach your goals and continue on the path that your going. You’ll figure it out, your very creative. In the intro you say your successful, and you are, so try and put this essays into describing your success thus far, or how they can help your succss in the future. You did really good so far though. I’m excited to see how you put it all together! I’m sure it will be great!

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